The internetz!

We're finally first at something!!! Through years of perseverance and hard work, leaving nothing to chance and the normal forces of evolution, even turning back the hands of time at some points we are officially the last country on the planet, and unless we discover new life, in the galaxy, to have the worst connection ever.

Of course u might think that yeah but that doesn't count a lot of countries that do not have internet, well hold your breath, the comical countries you can think of beat us, yes Nepal, Mozambique, Nicaragua, Bangladesh and all the -istans have better connectivity than us.
I decided to write this little tidbit of information because i have suffered from such bad internet that I had several attacks of what is called nerd rage! This little disease is when you sit and aimlessly scream at your monitor while your blood pressure rises and all sorts of verbal atrocities shoot out of your mouth.
I wanted to check my email and had to suffer literally minutes (i know this sounds like nothing important) of waiting, keeping in mind that an email check should invoke only a few seconds of your time, not to mention the endless hours of loading you have to suffer whenever there is the tiniest amount of flash or pictures on a website!
Worst of all, the worst is the quota limiting your uploads/downloads. most of the users in the world have no idea what a "quota" is anymore, although it does exist in most cases, known as fair usage policy, in the U.S. for example it starts at around 3GB/day. whereas in Lebanon the average consumer gets around 3GB...... A MONTH! That's assuming you're on a legal government approved plans with ADSL.
Now to solve this we need a bigger source of internet, that would be a problem if the Umbilical cord of internet of Southern Asia doesn't pass through frigging TRIPOLI!
Can you grasp the irony of the situation, the fast internet passes through the country but we cannot use it because some politicians think that 15 years of war, 20 years of economical downfall, social segregation and total anarchy were not enough, the withholding of information and the deprivation of a decent outlet to the world is just the cherry on top of the beautiful cake that is our daily life.
From the bottom of my heart I want to thank you, not for the brave services you have provided us your people, but to the advancement in social studies and tyrannical techniques that prove that you can actually fool a people into believing that they are alive when they are truly being killed of slowly!

beigism....

How should i define this, beige is the ultimate non-color, it is a mixture of all and nothing at the same time, it stands for nothing, it represents nothing and almost has no value, it's not white, it's not not white...it's just pointless bland and meaningless. Now take the wealth of knowledge that i bestowed upon you and apply it to our society these days.

We live in the beigiest of times ever to cross planet earth, but the problem is that it's not a worldwide phenomena, it apparently only affects the Lebanese population. I've already mentioned the samey drones, and now i am going to explain how...
Beigists are people that almost pride themselves in blending in to the point that they are indistinguishable from the same backround they are standing in front of.
Let's start with fashion, whenever you walk, the same masses of eyeglass wearing baboons, i mean i get the idea of a fashionable sun glass but why does it have to be the ray bans with the frigging color that match nothing with whatever your wearing, then you go to the appalling leggings that display the ginormous lumps of flab that garnish the thighs of the unaware of themselves land whales that throng our dear alleys. Finally the boots, this is something that strikes me as really odd: everyone things that work boots worn by construction workers or field workers is a fashion item if it has a Scottish pattern printed on it... i love how common sense is denied the right to manifest itself in one's brain before they buy such a garment.
if I'm not allowed to pinch on fashion that much because people tend to qualify it as ...eukh...art, i will draw the line on this issue; why does everyone have to look like a strict clean copy of the everybody else, has individualism lost all flavor, do we have to conform like sheep? Cant we just enjoy being ourselves???
Make the world what you want it to be, don't follow in the banal of other people's footsteps you are an individual live up to the title don't be a cheap copy of someone else's ideal...we have become so obsessed with fitting in taht anything that tries to break the mold is shunned away, unless you are beige you cannot function or belong, you cannot have a distinct flavor or aroma, and it's not only the look or actions, this disease is transferring to our customs, it's even transferred to our goddamned food for god's sake, eating at a restaurant these days compares to eating plastic with mild plastic flavor...nothing that zings you or makes you think that there is another flavor out there that you might discover, god forbid your taste buds might get a little kick from time to time...
BE DIFFERENT it is that what makes you an individual....

Safety First!

Some people might enjoy the new world we're living in, but i sincerely hate it, it is acting against the evolutionary curve. See evolution relies on survival of the fittest, with our new safety prone society that always caters to the mentally handicapped evolution has met it's match.

This stems from the Political Correctness issue. These people have the amazing ability to suck the fun out of anything you might think of more efficiently than a hoover sucking on loose dust. From racism to making fun of sick people to everything you can think of, you cannot open your mouth in front of them without being a "something-ist". I sincerely am not racist but i enjoy a black or Jew joke from time to time, as well as an Arab joke, because lets face it some of those things are hilarious (the jokes u insensitive bastards) but that doesn't mean that I'm against black guys or Jews or Arabs for that matter (me being one).


Back to my point, the health and safety. In the olden days you relied on common sense to figure out what to do with your hands, when u burned yourself a little you'd know never to repeat that mistake twice, but know you buy a candle and you read: Caution Flame may be HOT! I mean sincerely now, you have to be joking me, something that retarded should not be printed, and people dumb enough to require something like this should not be alive in the first place!
Civilization was never achieved by playing it safe and watching out for everything, greatness always comes through great risks, the source of the amazon was not discovered under the kitchen table, men died and pushed the limits to reach... great risks, great rewards! How many people have discovered gold by sitting at home watching TV while wearing a high-visibility jacket?
My point is please Push the envelope, take a risk back in the days all kids used to walk around with jack-knives in their pockets it wasn't known as the time of great murders. Every man has a great story that involves a scar on his body... and losing this might be our greatest failing.

So, please it's okay to let your kids play in the yard wit dirt (lets them build immunity) and it helps them build character, and help push us out of this infernal loop where the dumb get dumber and we forget how to properly react to our surroundings because we are no longer exposed to them!

in-sap-tion

I have full knowledge of the age of this issue, and consider this more of a rant rather than a review. Ironically this subject has popped up so much recently and i felt compelled to write this, but I'm sure most people will hate me for this, assuming i might care about their general existences...
I'm sure the vast majority of the movie-goers saw Inception, and me fearing to be thrown out of the pack obviously was dragged kicking and screaming to see it.


Ironically i was intrigued by its concept, i mean to invade someone's dream, is a dream of it's own. The movie failed to impress and failed to disappoint at the same time, it was a dichotomy of feelings, i didn't know whether to hate it or to be impartial to it (bearing in mind for me to love something it has to be epic) what really annoyed me was the fact that you could not say you did not get it!!! This was the major flaw in the movie, losing the audience in sparkly graphics, wasting important time to develop the concept explaining how the process works, instead they were flipping a city upside down!
Then there is the complexity of it, you barely get the idea of the dream control issue then you are flung into five dreams within each other where some dreams are aware of each other and some people are other people and everything, and then your brain can barely process the trip of it all and to end it all you're thrown into limbo with a figment of imagination that is 800 years old that makes the hero loose his mind. And if this is not enough, it commits the cardinal sin of all movies: LEAVES ON A BLOODY CLIFFHANGER...
I mean sincerely it's not a series where i can watch the next episode in a week, and then you go out of the movie not daring to say the movie was utter crap because you're afraid to be deemed "dumb" for not getting "IT" but no one got what IT was.
Inception was the workings of an amazing classic to live in time forever instead it lost all it's hope for Hollywood tinsel and glamor, instead of actually making it a high-brow brainy movie, they knoked in a couple of explosions and made it: Idiot-safe... Sadly!

Who are you?

I have a question, where does one go to register a disease or a mental condition and trademark it as one's own? I've been noticing the same symptoms manifesting in our population and it's clearly an epidemic. The manifestation of it is very clear, generally a young lady would walk by snuffing her nose up as if there was a busted sewer following her around constantly attacking her nose.

Apparently this sort of mental anguish is contagious, and no I'm not talking about the nice array of smells our nostrils are subject to in our beloved country, but i'm talking on the attack of "snob" that the gentle females make us suffer from.
First let me set the record straight SNOB is not something to be proud of , it stand for SIN NOBILIS in Latin which literally means without nobelty, it was a term invented in old british boarding schools to designate the poor people who weren't Nobles. So when u pompous arrogant bastards call each other snob think of what you're saying, it's not a term of endearment.
Now ladies, please for the love of God you're not all a cross between Angelina Jolie and Alessandra Ambrosio, nor do all of you converse like you have a masters in physics and humanities from Harvard, so when a guy walks up to you (which requires all the courage in the world) please don't instantly shut him down, give him a chance, because let's face it we are not all that bad...
I'm a guy who looks for a bit of character and distinction, and what i am forced to choose from is a sea of mediocrity, hordes of samey clones that cannot think of something that distinguishes them from the rest, yet i am stuck with the lady gag (not gaga) wannabe that is not even decent looking that most of the time has the mental competence of a fish, and then you have the nerve to look down on me... Have you got a clue how hard it is to act dumb enough, and act interested just to try and get some action (which is perfectly normal for a young man).
Please ladies, you all might be daddy's princesses, but you're regular girls non-the less and if you eventually want to find a good guy to end up with, please give us a chance...

Soapy Operas

After a few years of a sharp decline in the general IQ of the Lebanese audience, and after a few inquiries carried by myself, and with nothing short of a miracle i have finally cracked the case... I've finally figured out why the population who is incessantly exposed to television and no other form of media (facebook doesn't count) has been slipping into retardation... It's the god-damned Turkish/Syrian soap operas.

I am not a discriminating person, i hate all soap operas equally, bu this new form of hybrid has given birth to something inside me that i thought had died a long time ago: JET BLACK HATE!
If you haven't been exposed to this new form of death, you're lucky! Let me give you a quick guide through the mental torture:
The soap starts off with the cheesiest song performed in Turkish (Syrian dubbers apparently cant be bothered to sing), and I'm not talking about regular amounts of cheesiness, I'm talking about grade A french ancient cheese that stinks so far it can be smelled through four solid layers of diamond and lead.
Then come the actors, in Turkey they might be good but what you don not get is that dubbing saps the emotion out of every line, so they seem like robots acting out scenes and producing sounds that don't follow their lips, so it's pretty funny!
Worse than that come the voice actors, presenting their lines in typical Syrian lingo, which has in some way made it to our daily language disregarding the fact that it was once deemed as a joke...
Then come the mustaches... I think this points speaks for itself (my eyes literally burn after seeing those face animals they breed on their lips).
But worse than that, the creme de la creme, the sewer of horribleness THE STORY, I mean good-god what the hell is wrong with these people who cannot comprehend simple human emotions, their functioning is not dictated by any form of social convention or law as if they were Aliens.

I was cursed to catch a glimpse of one of these shows, the mental strain to begin to comprehend what was going on was so great that i suffered an aneurysm followed by a heart attack backed up by spasms of rage, This sort of broadcasting is literally dumbfounding the entire planet by dragging the IQ of our nation to somewhere near absolute zero (-325).
PEOPLE have some brain choose a story that doesn't drag on for 325786 episodes and that is not so easily predictable after the first 3 episodes. Have some brains and Use them...

Culture for the cultured

I have been following the recent pattern of the weather lately, and for those of you who are superstitious this is not a freak accident, nor a manifestation of global warming, this is clearly a sign of god's wrath! He (and yeah feminists give it a rest god is a he) has decided to show us his anger and to display his disappointment in us through the medium of a force 4 hurricane! But what is god angry about??? I'm wiling to bet it's the recent trend of the pitiful thought process that our small Lebanese community is undergoing!
Have you noticed that recently any form of culture or sign of literary distinction is instantly shunned and deemed as a social faux-pas. Our entire generation is hard-wired to drown out intellect in any form. meaning, if I say I enjoy an opera or a classic ballet or a classical composition I will most probably be laughed at and looked down upon as being, well, old. Claiming to have any knowledge who Vivaldi is, or knowing the four seasons or Tchaikovsky is the equivalent of social murder. Now it is understandable why the youth hates the fine arts, because whenever they are mentionned they see old tufts of hairy wrinkly men in top hats, and monocles talking all in British and being well very boring or they go to the New-Wave of artistic farts that as they open their mouth send you a prompt invitation to punch them in the face, for they only speak in a way that is so disgusting that it makes u wanna revert to a cave-man like instinct and pummel them with a mallet!
So now I am pressured into suffering through masses of Tiesto and techno rubbish I am bombarded with because nobody dares to break out of the social chain and say this is horrid music!
Break out of your norm, defy the drones that surround you, enjoy something that is authentically beautiful, emancipate yourself from mental slavery. Following this issue, why do we not have a station that plays rock, I'm not implying all heavy all the time but something that plays the sort of music that changed the world, the Beatles, led zeppelin... just saying as an example.

Obsession

psychology has given an edge that many early world leaders would have killed for, the ability to read minds....metaphorically!
Sigmund Freud although crude, in some manner, gave us most of the main points to start with; I know that many people disagree with him, but common give the credit where credit is due.
Sadly this great discovery, like most, has the potential for abuse. And we humans left without supervision or a leash have gone wild.
In the past few decades there has been a gigantic surge in categorizing all human behavior, and almost 70% or the population has been diagnosed with an ailment! We have gone from beeing fully functioning individuals to people riddled with faults. You're no longer sad, you're depressed, you're no longer cheery, you have manias; in the past you did not have OCD you were just very very very very clean!
If this obsession was only for adults it would be half the problem, a huge portion of kids now have ADHD and are medicated with Ritalin (mild sedation)... What happened to good old fashioned education where your kid was a bit hyper active you strap him down and you tell him concentrate, and with a little effort he would, but noooo this is too good for us everything must be medicated!
With the recent outbreak of all these diseases more than half the population is sick, which means THEY'RE THE MAJORITY NOW!!! we're the abnormal ones now,....everyone who had a mommy and daddy and managed good at school and grew up to have a stable career, we're the freaks man!

I don't mind if we try t improve ourselves and try to make ourselves more efficient, but i hate the fact that amidst the process we are turning into spongy, flaky mollusks that were former human beings...and that is something that is really scary!

Free Parking!

Compassion is a disease, like polio, except compassion makes you nice, not all withered and crutchy... Luckily I got vaccinated against compassion when I was born and I received a booster shot when I was able to formulate my first proper thought!

This Vaccination gives me an advantage over most of the mindless drones in today's bleak society, this gives me the advantage not to care and especially tolerate the masses of idiots that I have the fortune, or misfortune of encountering everyday...

I am a typical driver, as in I revel at the joy of finding a nice parking spot. I spend countless minutes scouring the parking lots looking for a sweet spot whenever I hit a mall or go to the movies. Yet amongst my quests for a parking I happen to cross (and not too few of them) Idiots of the highest caliber that miraculously through physics-defying stunts manage to take up 3 spots with their car, and some of these bastards are really sneaky, they manage to find the most unobtainable angle to make their vehicle impossibly huge, I'm taking something in the ranks of a Smart car taking up the place of three Humvees!!!

This is a regular occurrence in the university parking lot, me being not so well endowed financially, have to resort to the free parking lot...which in all accounts is a great thing but I have to suffer the masses of chimps-behind-wheels that park in ways that make you question evolution.
I mean it's not very difficult the lines are there not as a free expression of cubism by the general contractor, nor as a use it if u wish layout on the ground! It's there because that's where you're supposed to place the 4 wheels of the car: WITHIN THE CONFINES OF THE SQUARE...or does that concept over-power your brain?
I drive by everyday frothing at the mouth at the sight of idiots parked sideways eating up spaces for me to park, at that rate a 200 car parking will only fit twelve cars, I mean you drive a simple car, NOT AN OIL TANKER!

It's the simple philosophy I try to preach ... you were born with a brain try and use it! nobody's perfect and humans make mistakes but don't take that as a general rule, you're making earth a living hell for us who don't!

Blabberry!

This is, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), something that has been, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), nagging at me for a while! You encounter this ordeal, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), every day, and somehow it became normal to us in fact, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), compulsory that we accepted it and now find ourselves not phased by this. Whenever you are talking, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), to someone who is using a blackberry, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back),it is very normal for them to switch,, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), mid-sentence and stop what they are doing to check their, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), outgrowing life line through their, excuse me (lowers head and drifts away from the conversation, then back), little plastic cellphones.

I dunno if you got what i was trying to say above, but here;s a clue: It's really really really annoying to talk to someone who cannot formulate a complete thought without stopping 17 times mid-stroke to check and blabber on their blabberry. I know that technology is an alluring an tempting mistress but do we really have to become complete drones to the device? I'm not judging everyone here, only 99.5% of the Lebanese population, but have you ever tried to talk to a person who own a blackberry, three seconds after the hello their hands start twitching and the itch kicks in and they start to foam at the mouth, THEY MUST CHECK THEIR PHONE!!! Their blackberry god has descended on the chariot of telecommunication and commanded them to check the phone. I MUST OBEY MY PHONE GOD, for he has to suck my privacy and social skills away from me...

This fad i believe was originated by the attention-whores who cannot live without the constant questioning of their lifestyles by everyone, yet fail to talk to these people in real life, and has somehow miraculously transferred to "normal" individuals (I'm being very liberal and generous in my use of normal here).
I understand your need for such a device if you are running a company and need to keep track of many people at one, the blackberry serves it's purpose tremendously there, but why, OH WHY, are you using to say hi to friends you practically see each day, if not every other one! And another thing that pisses me off is it;s new Lebanese name, with our ability to downgrade any complex name into 2 letter form it is now called the BB, which either refers to their user's Bra size (both male and female) because a guy who needs so much attention is clearly menstruating... or their firm grasp of the alphabet. Fortunately a key demographic will be very pleased with this new craze: the girlfriends, because let's face it if your man spends 17 hours a day practicing his thumb moves on that little thingy on the blackberry imagine what wonders he could then manage to do to your "mysterious lady garden" (for the lack of a politically correct term).

Finally I'd like to say that technology is not bad, if it's used properly, but wasting such resources on such trivial tasks, furthering us from our human counterpart and seriously damaging our already crippled set of social skills is something that can only be due to severe retardation. So relax put your phone, look up, and actually use your mouth and talk to the person in front of you instead of sending them a text or Blabber on your Blabberry!